Dog day morning

As you may or may not know, I commute about 44 miles each way every day. This provides me 3 hours alone in the car everyday, or 15 hours a week. That's about 780 hours a year....or 32 days a year. You get my point. Some days are better than others and I'm constantly fighting the onset of depression. Any sort of interesting event that occurs outside my car becomes my own personal Zoloft. If 2 weeks pass without anything exciting I began contemplating suicide by slapping my face against the steering wheel. The only thing that keeps me from going through with it is the unstable scenario of the air bag simply going off causing me to let out a girlish scream and rear-end someone. Then I'd just show up to work with a Zantjer-style forehead carpet burn and the only thing damaged being my pride.

This past Friday, I was in a particularly good mood on my commute in. Fridays are always happier because the weekend is right around the corner, we dress casual at work, and I zone out for 8 hours (not to mention I get on an AOL chat room with Hutch every Friday so that we can cyber).

So here I am cruising toward the freeway on Rufe Snow when I notice the car in front of me come to a stop. I immediately start prairie dogging to see what was going on. Sadly, I noticed a dead, boxer-sized dog in the middle lane. This, unfortunately, is nothing out of the ordinary, but what happened next definitely is.

I noticed a middle-aged woman walking through 3 lanes or traffic towards the dog. At this point, all 3 lanes are completely stopped and observing this woman. My initial thought was that she worked for Animal Control or something and was going to bag up the carcass. She looked sort of like a female Steve Buscemi without the cool points (because we all know Steve is the epitome of cool). Still, Steve doesn't make for an attractive chick. Then, I noticed her clothes and realized this was no government worker at all, this was a homeless broad. I also noticed that she wasn't carrying any sort of shovel, bag, or even gloves. She then leaned over and grabbed the dog by it's freaking tail and proceeded to drag it across the 3 lanes. No gloves or anything! I looked in the car next to me and watched a mom's jaw drop as her child pointed out this event. Many thoughts were spinning in my head as I was trying to figure out why she would do this. Was she merely a good samaritan doing a solid for our fine community? Was she checking to see if the dog was still alive? Then it hit me and I literally said out loud, to myself:

"Oh no, this lady is going to eat this f-ing dog."

Moments later, she dropped the dog along the curb and walked off. I let out a sigh of relief but my confusion sustained. And while I still have no idea of her agenda, I am pleased that I witnessed it. Just thought I'd share this with you. I hope this story will provide you with something to ponder on today's commute home.

Save the rainforests.

AAArrrrrrrr you interested in this too?

So I've recently developed a fascination with Pirates. And I'm not talking about in a creepy way like Mike Leach, and I'm definitely not talking about Bobby Bonilla and Andy Van Slyke. No, I am of course speaking of these wild ass, modern day Somali Pirates that are ruling the Gulf of Aden.

For the past couple of weeks I've noticed headline after headline about these characters on Yahoo news. Some of my recent favorites:

Nov. 18th - "Somali Pirates seize super tanker with 100 million gallons of oil (AP)"

Nov. 19th - "Indian Navy sinks Somali Pirates' mother ship (AP)"

Nov. 20th - "Pirates demand $25 million for seized tanker (AP)"

Nov. 21st - "Pirates make $150 million this year (AP)"

My question is how does one become a successful pirate? It seems to me that these pirates have somewhat of a monopoly on this market. Everyone knows competition is good in any free market. Believe it or not, sales are a bit down and I'm not going to make $150 million this year, but I like money. I'd like to have $150M. So how does one establish himself in this market?

Sure, I could work my way up the ranks but who wants to do that? I'd spend my first couple of years swabbing the poop deck, reinforcing the plank, fighting off Scurvy, and David Blaine knows what else. Eventually, I'd have to put a knife in the back of the captain and gain the respect of my fellow swashbucklers.

I could start my own pirating outfit but I'm not convinced that we would be as successful. While I consider myself more intelligent than your average cock-eyed Somali pirate, I think I'd be lacking in the categories of savageness and shear evil. I'm also not a big fan of having a peg leg and I find parrots annoying. Eye patches are pretty cool I guess. The downfall of my crew would be my insistence that we only battle using swords, cannons, and the occasional musket. Or maybe the fact that I would only accept gold treasure for ransoms.

Anyways, here's the article from today....I'll keep everyone updated on this continuing story.

NAIROBI, Kenya – Somali pirates have collected more than $150 million in ransoms over the past year, Kenya's foreign affairs minister said Friday, calling on ship owners not to pay when their vessels are hijacked.

In the past two weeks Somalia's increasingly brazen pirates have seized eight vessels including a huge Saudi supertanker loaded with $100 million worth of crude oil. Several hundred crew are now in the hands of Somali pirates.

"We are advised that in the last 12 months, ransom to the excess of $150 million has been paid to these criminals and that is why they are becoming more and more audacious in their activities," Kenyan Foreign Minister Moses Wetangula said.

Saudi Arabia's foreign minister said Friday that the Saudi government was not and would not negotiate with pirates, but what the ship's owners did was up to them.

Meanwhile, the world's largest oil tanker company warned that it may divert cargo shipments, which would boost costs up to 40 percent.

Frontline Ltd., which ferries five to 10 tankers of crude a month through the treacherous Gulf of Aden, said it was negotiating a change of shipping routes with some of its customers, including oil giants Exxon Mobil, Shell, BP and Chevron.

Martin Jensen, Frontline's acting chief executive, said that sending tankers around South Africa instead would extend the trip by 40 percent.

Bermuda-based Frontline plans to make a decision whether to change shipping routes within a week, Jensen said.

"It's not only our costs, but also those of the people who have a $100 million cargo on board," Jensen said. "We're not going to make a unilateral decision so we've been debating this with our customers."

A.P Moller-Maersk, the world's largest container-shipping company, on Thursday ordered some of its slower vessels to avoid the Gulf of Aden and head the long way around Africa.

The Copenhagen-based company said it was telling ships "without adequate speed," mainly tankers, to sail the long route around Africa unless they can join convoys with naval escorts in the gulf, group executive Soeren Skou said.

The company didn't say how many ships would be affected by the decision, but said it usually has eight tanker transits in the area per month. The company says it handles 16 percent of the world's container-shipping traffic.

And Norwegian shipping group Odfjell SE on Wednesday ordered its more than 90 tankers to avoid the Gulf of Aden because of the risk of attack by pirates.

A Russian frigate, meanwhile, was escorting nine ships in the pirate-infested waters off the coast of Somalia, Russian news agencies reported. They included a Russian vessel and eight other commercial ships flying flags of Liberia, the Marshall Islands and the Cayman Islands.

The Somali pirates have the support of their communities and rogue members of the government. Often dressed in military fatigues, pirates travel in open skiffs with outboard engines, working with larger ships that tow them far out to sea. They use satellite navigational and communications equipment and an intimate knowledge of local waters, clambering aboard commercial vessels with ladders and grappling hooks.

They are typically armed with automatic weapons, anti-tank rocket launchers and grenades — weaponry that is readily available throughout Somalia.

On Thursday, the African Union urged the United Nations to quickly send peacekeepers to Somalia but that appeared unlikely anytime soon. A U.N. peacekeeping operation in the early 1990s saw the downing of two U.S. Army helicopters and killing of 18 American soldiers. The U.S. withdrew and U.N. peacekeepers were gone by 1995.

In New York, the U.N. Security Council voted unanimously to authorize its sanctions committee to recommend people and entities that would be subject to an asset freeze and travel ban for engaging in or supporting acts that threaten peace in Somalia, for violating a U.N. arms embargo, and for obstructing delivery of humanitarian aid.

Get educated America

For a long time I have been an advocate for radical change in the US educational system. We spend way too much time being educated in useless subjects. Why do I need to take calculus or philosophy in order to make sales calls to hospitals? I really think we could weed out a lot of unnecessary school at the high school and college level. Why not put more emphasis on subjects that appeal to each individual student? Maybe a kid who wants to be a doctor can start focusing on pre-med school at 16 or 17 and not have to mess with taking French class, economics, speech, etc. While I had a longer run than most, we all still spend a ridiculous percentage of our life being prepared for life, not living it.

Again, I recognize that I was in for a long time, but I finished college at 25. So, when I am 49 and starting to ponder the thoughts of retirement, I will still have spent over half my life being educated. And if we're being honest, most of the things we learn exit our minds shortly after passing the course. Can you recite the iambic pentameter intro to Beowulf? I certainly can't, so why did I have to memorize it for English my senior year of high school?

So it's not exactly what I'm aiming for but this is a good start. A few days ago I was wondering if I've ever met anyone from New Hampshire...I haven't but I think it may be because the state has things figured out. New Hampshire has a very strong Libertarian population and they seem to explore ideas that are sometimes thought of as outlandish. Anyways, here's the article:


Should Kids Be Able to Graduate After 10th Grade?


Once implemented, the new battery of tests is expected to guarantee higher competency in core school subjects, lower dropout rates and free up millions of education dollars. Students may take the exams - which are modeled on existing AP or International Baccalaureate tests - as many times as they need to pass. Or those who want to go to a prestigious university may stay and finish the final two years, taking a second, more difficult set of exams senior year. "We want students who are ready to be able to move on to their higher education," says Lyonel Tracy, New Hampshire's Commissioner for Education. "And then we can focus even more attention on those kids who need more help to get there."

But can less schooling really lead to better-prepared students at an earlier age? Outside of the U.S., it's actually a far less radical notion than it sounds. Dozens of industrialized countries expect students to be college-ready by age 16, and those teenagers consistently outperform their American peers on international standardized tests. ( See pictures of the college dorm room's evolution.
With its new assessment system, New Hampshire is adopting a key recommendation of a blue-ribbon panel called the New Commission on Skills of the American Workforce. In 2006, the group issued a report called Tough Choices or Tough Times , a blueprint for how it believes the U.S. must dramatically overhaul education policies in order to maintain a globally competitive economy. "Forty years ago, the United States had the best educated workforce in the world," says William Brock, one of the commission's chairs and a former U.S. Secretary of Labor. "Now we're No. 10 and falling."

As more and more jobs head overseas, Brock and others on the commission can't stress enough how dire the need is for educational reform. "The nation is running out of time," he says.

New Hampshire's announcement comes as Utah and Massachusetts declared that they, too, plan to enact some of the commission's other proposals, such as universal Pre-K and better teacher pay and training. Still more states are expected to sign on in December. And the largest teacher union in the U.S., the National Education Association, is encouraging its affiliates to support such efforts.

Some reform advocates would like to see the report's testing proposals replace current No Child Left Behind legislation. "It makes accountability much more meaningful by stressing critical thinking and true mastery," says Tracy.

No date has been set for when New Hampshire will start administering the new set of exams, which have yet to be developed. But to achieve the goal of sending kids to college at 16, Tracy and his colleagues recognize preparation will have to start early. Nearly four years ago, New Hampshire began an initiative called Follow the Child. Starting practically from birth, educators are expected to chart children's educational progress year to year. In the future, this effort will be bolstered by formalized curricula that specify exactly what kids should know by the end of each grade level.

That should help minimize the need for review year to year. It will also bring New Hampshire's education framework much closer to what occurs in many high-performing European and Asian nations. "It's about defining what lessons students should master and then teaching to those points," says Marc Tucker, co-chair of the commission and president of the National Center for Education and the Economy in Washington. "Kids at every level will be taking tough courses and working hard."

Right now, Tucker argues, most American teenagers slide through high school, viewing it as a mandatory pit stop to hang out and socialize. Of those who do go to college, half attend community college. So Tucker's thinking is why not let them get started earlier? If that happened nationwide, he estimates the cost savings would add up to $60 billion a year. "All money that can be spent either on early childhood education or elsewhere," he says.

Critics of cutting high school short, however, worry that proposals such as New Hampshire's could exacerbate existing socioeconomic gaps. One key concern is whether test results, at age 16, are really valid enough to indicate if a child should go to university or instead head to a technical school - with the latter almost certainly guaranteeing lower future earning potential. "You know that the kids sent in that direction are going to be from low-income, less-educated families while wealthy parents won't permit it," says Iris Rotberg, a George Washington University education policy professor, who notes similar results in Europe and Asia. She predicts, in turn, that disparity will mean "an even more polarized higher education structure - and ultimately society - than we already have."

It's a charge that Tracy denies. "We're simply telling students it's okay to go at their own pace," he says. Especially if that pace is a little quicker than the status quo.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/time/20081107/us_time/shouldkidsbeabletograduateafter10thgrade

Collared Shirts

So a lot of you have been asking about the events of this past Saturday night. Rather than
call each and every one of you, I thought it may just be more efficient to email all of you. I apologize if this is a long read for you, but I promise there will be a lesson for all of us in the end.

Saturday started out great with the family celebrating the one year anniversary of my nephew's birth. From there, I headed out to the Renaissance hotel where my friend and life partner, Chris Files, had reserved a suite. The Squid and Dangles came along for the ride. After complaining all week in typical Dangles fashion, Dangles decided not to wear a collared shirt because he didn't want to go to any "douche-y" Dallas bars. Fair enough.

Upon arriving to the suite, things progressed splendidly with Kimbo being exposed and Chase Daniel putting the Nebraska defense to rest as if he were Jack Kevorkian himself. We decided to take a taxi to the bar in order to avoid any incidents. The group consisted of myself, Chris Files, Jeff Files, Joelseph Stupka, Sauce, Dangles, and Squid. As you may or may not know, this particular group has been involved in more than one notorious evening including, but not limited to, the Panama Jack showdown, the Baylor Brawl, the Riprocks Biker scuffle, the Texas Jive/cut off embrolio, and the night Sauce attempted to shank the entire Sigma Chi fraternity.

After bouncing around at a couple of trendy bars, we ended up at a new, hip club known as "Joyce." In general, I hate Dallas bars with one word names: Joyce, Mantis, Lotus, Wish, Dolce, Douche, etc. However, Jeff's friend had set us up with a reserved table so we decided to check it out. As we walked up to the club, I noticed a Ferrari and Lamborghini parked outside and was immediately skeptical. The door guy confirmed that we had a table reserved but there was one problem....Zantjer was in a T-shirt. In hindsight, we should have just left right then, but we didn't. We noticed a couple of guys walk into the club wearing "Affliction" and "Tapout" shirts. The doorman then explained to us that those were "designer" t-shirts, not like Dangles' FDNY shirt. Firemen get no respect. Some words were exchanged between our group and the door man when a few randos from outside the line chimed in. They threw out remarks like "why don't you guys just go to lower Greenville" and "look how expensive our watches are." Soon, our group was face to face with their group, a punch was thrown, and all Hell broke loose.

I don't have much memory of the following events so they have been pieced together by eyewitness accounts. In a post fight interview, Sauce Davis had this to say-

"I really don't know what happened. We were arguing with the doorman, then fists starting flying."

This is the last thing I really remember. I can somewhat recall Sauce stepping in front of me and hitting a guy. Jason Zantjer was quoted-

"After Sauce hit the guy, things were crazy. I saw Chad lean across toward one of the guys coming at us and put everything he has into a right hook. He swung from his shoes with the intent of knocking him out...unfortunately his arm was about an inch too short and he just missed the guy's face."

At the same moment the guy's friend came from behind/beside me and took a swing at my blindside. No one's sure if he made contact with me, grazed me, or missed completely, but I made an off-balance step backwards to avoid it. I stepped backwards and my foot touched nothing but air as I fell off the curb. I didn't brace myself whatsoever and the back of my head slapped the concrete. I immediately went unconscious. We'll get back to me.

In the meantime, the frantic scene continued around my limp body. Chris and Sauce went after the guy that swung at me (who was now running). In a post fight interview, Jeff Files reported this-

"Chris knocked the shit out of that guy."

Then, more of their friends arrived, swinging wildly and throwing a wrench into the whole thing. Chris suffered a couple of shots before Jeff tackled one of them into the nearby Ferrari, denting the hood (the owner would later demand compensation but the officer referred to him as a "rich a-hole" in a candid conversation with Zantjer) The group traded punches for a few more moments before rumors of police filled the air and brawl quieted. In his only public statement, Chris Files had this to say-

"I still have no idea where those other dudes came from."

Joel, Squid, and Zantjer found my seemingly lifeless body in the street, laying in a suppinated position, with a pool of blood beneath my head. Joel put his shirt underneath my occipital lobe to stop the bleeding and the paramedics were called. The driver of the Lamborghini then came out wanting to leave. He was angry that my body was in his way and he was very vocal about it. His girlfriend said to get me out of the street and get me medical attention. Sauce responded saying she needed to lose weight and if he drove a Lamborghini, he'd have a thinner girlfriend. The guy then climbed into his car and continued to yell. Sauce ran over to the driver's side door and attempted to drag the guy out of his car. Chris and Jeff restrained him and the car drove off.

I started to regain consciousness around the time the Ferrari driver was yelling at a cop wanting to know who was going to pay for the dent. I saw Joel hovering above me and asked what was going on. He tried to explain to me that we were in Dallas and I had hit my head. I had no idea what he was talking about and shortly faded out again. The next time I woke up, I was in the ambulance headed to Baylor Hospital. The Squid was trying to talk the ambulance driver into turning on the lights and running some red lights because it "would be awesome." I spent the next 3 hours getting Cat Scans and 9 staples in the back of my head. My official Emergency Room report reads: Head laceration, alcohol intoxication

Sunday morning I began to remember the entire night but I've still got a 20-30 minute gap that I can't recall. It was one of the strangest feelings of my life. I know there are a lot of questions so I'll go ahead and open the forum to a Q&A session. Here are a few FAQs:

Q: Are there any events from the evening that you regret?
- Several

Q: Don't you think you are getting too old to be involved in bar fights?
- Yes, but for the record, we never even entered the bar. This was a street fight.

Q: What is your status for the UNT Lacrosse Alumni game on October 25th?
- Taking it day to day, only time will tell.

Q: You mentioned that Joel placed his shirt under your head, was he shirtless for the remainder of the evening?
- No, he gave me his undershirt then put his shirt back on. However, I'm told that female spectators were quite impressed my his polish physique.

Q: In the ER, did the Squid ever sneak back there, put on rubber gloves, and offer to help?
- Yes...twice.

Q: What was the reaction by your parents and Tracy when they arrived to the hospital?
- They couldn't believe how drunk everyone was.

Q: Do you now have a new appreciation for life?
- Not really

Q: Do you still find humor in certain celebrity deaths?
- Sometimes

Q: How is that winning smile and facial structure that was chiseled by the Gods themselves?
- Not a scratch. Despite being the worst off, I am nearly convinced that I may be the only one who wasn't punched in the face.

Q: Do you feel as if the accident has left you changed in any way?
- I'm glad you asked. It has been pointed out to me that many people have died or fallen into comas from similar accidents. Because I survived, I have decided I am just like Bruce Willis in Unbreakable and can't be killed

Q: Are you saying you can survive a long fall?
- Sure

Q: Are you saying you can survive an explosion?
- Probably

Q: Are you saying you can dodge bullets?
- I'm saying once I figure out my powers, I won't have to.

Q: Is Kimbo a fraud now that he fought someone under the age of 40?
- Yes.


Sorry for the rambling, but I did promise you a lesson and here it is:

Most bars in Dallas are douche-y so always wear a collared shirt.

I blame the entire evening on Jason Zantjer. I'm staring at him across my office right now and my anger grows with each peck of my keyboard. Jason Zantjer, I loathe you.

Talk to you guys later, have an awesome summer!

Strangest night of my life.....

Ok, this is sort of long but I felt like I should let you guys know what I did this past Saturday. It might be one of the wildest, strangest, nights of my life. I was in Vegas with a bunch of people and we were hanging out in New York, New York. We decided to head over to the Palms and take a shot at getting into the Playboy club on the 52nd floor of the hotel. Once we got over there, the girls sweet talked the door guys a bit and they made us a "deal." The girls could get in free but me, Hutch, and the Squid had pay $40 each. So we paid $40 each. The club was really cool except for $10 Bud Lights and $15 Vodka and Cokes. It was pretty small with a small amount of people. There were a couple of high roller black jack tables, one of which Frank Thomas (the baseball player) was betting $1000 a hand. We noticed one guy with 3 blackjack tables reserved for himself. It was very apparent he was the richest guy there. He was playing around $3000 a hand. I talked Hutch into going over there and "making friends with him." Being really drunk, Hutch agreed it was a good idea. The guys name was "Tim" and we ended up getting invited to leave with him and couple of his friends. We took the elevator down and were escorted out a back exit and eventually to a limo. This is where we met Tim's friend "Chris." So we get into this limo and head over to the guys' place at the Palazzo Suites. If you're not familiar with the Palazzo's, they are the most upscale suites in Vegas (or so I'm told). We arrived with 2 other limos carrying their friends. As we went up to the suite we learned that Prince was staying at the suite across the hall and Elton John was directly above us. The suite was a 2 story, 6 bedroom suite completely marble with an elevator, butlers, and open bar. It looked like a place out of cribs. It turned out that Tim and another guy were in real estate and own 30% of National Lampoon. They were in Vegas to promote the new shitty Van Wilder movie. Just then their friend and 3rd roommate walked in the door. I'll be damned if it wasn't Kato Kaelin. Apparently he does work for National Lampoon and is close friends with Chris and Tim. There were probably about 12 of us in the suite and Kato seemed to think he already knew us. He high fived me and hugged Hutch. After an hour or so, Kato was playing the grand piano and singing songs off key. Hutch kept yelling at him to play "crocadile rock" but Kato kept yelling back "i'm not playing fucking crocadile rock!" After realizing he had never met us, we ended up bonding a bit with Kato and he even got Tracy's work # to set up some Soutwest Airlines flight stuff. I recognized Kato's girlfriend from survivor or amazing race or something. Her name was "sarah." Ok, pretty wild so far but I'm not done. At this point there's about 8 guys and 3 girls (Tracy, Christina, and Sarah) at the party. Now enter the 3 hookers. I'm sorry, I didn't catch their names. After about an hour more of drinking, Chris offers me a "wedding present." He had already paid for a hooker of my choice. I explained to him that I wasn't real interested and Tracy agreed. So Chris offers me $1000 to do it and offered Tracy $5000 to put towards our wedding if she let me do it. He reminded me of a less attractive Robert Redford from Indecent Proposal. Still, we declined the offer. After Hutch passed out in his chair, he and Christina decided to leave. Chris provided them a limo back to MGM. About an hour later (after Tracy spilt a red drink on the white carpet), Tracy and I were ready to go and they provided us with a limo for the night. We drove around a bit looking for friends to pick up and eventually went back to our place. Last we heard, Tim was up about $50,000 at the blackjack table. They were leaving on the personal jet Sunday morning. Kato was surprisingly cool and fun. I still don't know what he does for a living. Anyways, just thought I should share this story with some people. Below are a few pictures of the Palozzos and the Playboy Club. Serioulsy, what a strange night...