I received a number of responses on this and a pretty even amount of votes for each one. I feel as though some of you may not be informed well enough because several of the responses were absurdly unrealistic (Robi...). This whole debate began when the Squid tried to convince me that he can take a chimp as long as it's not allowed to pull his teeth out. Here are some quick facts: Chimps often weigh over 200 pounds, chimps routinely attack the hands and genitals of their victims, and chimps are known to snap and spend minutes attacking both animate and inanimate objects.
I would 100% take my chances with the Pit Bull. Not unlike when I punch Hutch, Pit Bulls often go for the jugular. With my knowledge of this, I think I'd forfeit an arm and go for some sort of choke hold. I'd have a 50/50 chance of making it out alive. I figure I'll lose a limb or two but at least I'd live to see another episode of Boy Meets World.
Before I share the responses of this poll, I'd like to point out the story of James Davis. This is directly from ABC news:
Moe the chimp was like a son to the Davis family. St. James and LaDonna Davis say they rescued the chimp from Africa and then raised him in their California home - sometimes even eating and sleeping with him.
In 1998, Moe attacked a West Covina, Calif., police officer and a neighbor. Authorities removed the chimp and took him to the Animal Haven Ranch near Bakersfield
When the couple visited Moe last March, two chimps in nearby cages attacked St. James Davis and nearly killed him.
"I was so tired, but I had to keep fighting," Davis said. "This one &was just pounding the daylights out of me. I heard Donna saying 'please don't die on me' & I just couldn't answer her."
He said the attack went on for 10 or 15 minutes and he could "feel it blow by blow." Chimps are three times stronger than a man.
During the attack, LaDonna Davis looked on - she had been knocked to the ground by one of the chimps who bit her thumb off. She looked up to see her husband - who had intervened to save her - covered in blood.
"The big male took off to my husband's face, his head area, while he's on the ground. And the smaller one & went to his foot area," she told ABC News. They were "tearing away at him. And I'm begging somebody to do something here."
A ranch hand eventually shot the two chimps to death. Prosecutors did not seek criminal charges against the operator of the reserve because the animals apparently escaped on their own.
St. James Davis spent months in intensive care and underwent more than two dozen operations - he estimates he has 20 more surgeries left. He was put into an induced coma to help him heal.
Davis recently returned home. He's severely disfigured - his nose chewed off and his genitals and limbs severely mauled - but his love for Moe, who served as the ring bearer in his and LaDonna's wedding, remains strong.
Nevertheless, he is haunted by the memory of the attack.
"I really don't want to go back to the scene," Davis said. "I would like to have him put elsewhere. I would like to be back together again. I don't even know if he knows I am alive."
With that said, here are a few of the responses I've gathered:
"Give me the pit bull, at least with this fight, I would have a chance. Maybe break his hind legs or something while he is mauling my face...the chimp as I would get angrier, would himself get into a uncontrolled rage, and he would gauge my eyes out and begin to eat me, much like a raptor would do...that would suck..."
-Jason Dangles
"Pit bull. Dogs go for the throat, chimps go for the genitals."
-Casey Carr
"I would be more afraid of the chimp. Are you aware
that they are a very unsanitary pet to keep? Not only are they violent animal when provoked, but they throw their feces at everything and anyone in sight."
-Michael Crotchison
"I’d fight the chimp. They are more human like and I could kick any human’s ass."
-Jim Bobcat Webster
"I could take a pit. The chimp would kick my ass with my own arms and then use my face to pick up chicks."
-Sauce Davis
"Give me the chimp. A pitbull can cause more damage with a bite. Chimps are like really strong midget and they are slower than a pitbull. Chimps will fuck you up...but you can anticipate his attack if he isn’t surprising you. You could give it a good drop kick."
-Robi Torabi Sefidabi
"Probably fight the chimp because they’re so damn cute!"
-Uno Kelley
"Chimp - if teeth are going to break your flesh they might as well smell like bananas."
-Jason Besterfeldt
"That's a tough one. I think the chimp would be less aggressive... that is until I start strangling him. Then, I imagine him fairly aggressive. I'm going to go pit bull. I think I'd have an easier time at least maneuvering around him. The pit bull isn't as dexterous, and once I get him in a choke hold he won't punch me in the face. "
-Dave Downer
"Pit Bull, I am not 78 years old and feel confident that I could take on the Pit Bull while gouging eyes and if they are present pulling and tearing testicles..."
-Morgon Duke
"A chimp bull…because I’m that badass."
-Scott Wern
"A pit bull won't try and rip your teeth, fingers, hands, testicles, eyes, etc. off/out. But could very well kill you and for sure mangle your face. A chimpanzee probably won't kill you but will definitely mangle your face
and will instinctively try and rip your teeth, fingers, hands, testicles, etc. etc. etc. out/off of your body, AND has the strength to do it. I guess I have to go with the pit bull, I'd rather get killed then go through all that stuff with the chimp."
-the Badger
"I would prefer a battle to the death with a pit bull. I understand that when fighting male chimps go for the groin first and then the hands and face, whereas if you are female they go for the hands and face first."
-Pants Cox
